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Aug 9

Dear hypothetically gay son,

You’re gay. Obviously you already know that, because you told us at the dinner table last night. I apologize for the awkward silence afterwards, but I was chewing. It was like when we’re at a restaurant and the waiter comes up mid-bite and asks how the meal is, only in this metaphor you are the waiter, and instead of asking me about my meal, you said you were gay. I don’t know why I needed to explain that. I think I needed to find a funny way to repeat the fact that you’re gay… because that is what it sounds like in my head right now: “My son is gay. My son is gay. My son is gay.”

Let me be perfectly clear: I love you. I will always love you. Since being gay is part of who you are, I love that you’re gay. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the idea. If you sensed any sadness in my silence last night, it was because I was surprised that I was surprised. Ideally, I would have already known. Since you were an embryo, my intent has always been to really know you for who you are and not who I expect you to be. And yet, I was taken by surprise at last night’s dinner. Have I said “surprise” enough in this paragraph? One more time: Surprise!

OK. Let’s get a few things straight about how things are going to be.

Our home is a place of safety and love. The world has dealt you a difficult card. While LGBT people are becoming more accepted, it is still a difficult path to walk. You’re going to experience hate and anger and misunderstandings about who you are out in the world. That will not happen here. You need to know with every fiber of who you are that when you walk in the front door of your home, you are safe, and you are loved. Your mother is in complete agreement with me on this.
I am still, as always, your biggest defender. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re any less capable of taking care of and defending yourself. That said, if you need me to stand next to you or in front of you, write letters, sign petitions, advocate, or anything else, I am here. I would go to war for you.

If you’re going to have boys over, you now need to leave your bedroom door open. Sorry, kiddo. Them’s the breaks. I couldn’t have girls in my room with the door shut, so you don’t get to have boys.

You and I are going to revisit that talk we had about safe sex. I know it’s going to be awkward for both of us, but it is important. I need to do some research first, so let’s give it a few weeks. If you have questions or concerns before then, let me know.

That’s enough for now. Feel free to view this letter as a contract. If I ever fail to meet any of the commitments made herein, pull it out and hold me to account. I’ll end with this: You are not broken. You are whole, and beautiful. You are capable and compassionate. You and your sister are the best things I have ever done with my life, and I couldn’t be prouder of the people you’ve become.

Love,
Dad

P.S. Thanks to a few key Supreme Court decisions and the Marriage Equality Act of 2020, you’re legally able to get married. When I was your age, that was just an idea. Pretty cool, huh?


(from John Kinnear)

- From Huffington’s Post’s “Dear Hypothetical Gay Son”

Posted 9 months ago

2,496 notes

gay, homosexual, huffington post, lgbtq, queer, popular, dad, parents, hypothetical gay son,

Apr 22
LGBTQ* Coming Out (tips and writing below from Gay and Lesbian Resource’s PyschPage) Pick a Good Time   Don’t Come Out in an argument, or at a time when you feel angry or resentful. The message will be delivered to family in a time of bad feelings and will convey those bad feelings, making the process more difficult for you and your family in the long run.Give them time to get used to it before you introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They may be willing to accept your “friend” more readily and more easily if the sexual nature of your relationship is not so quickly and constantly apparent. Let them see that your “friend” cares about you, knows you well, treats you well, and wants you to be happy just like your parents do. That is what you ultimately want them to know about your partner, not that they are sexually active. It Takes Time Understand that it takes time for them to accept this about you, just like it did for you. Your family will go through periods of rejection, acceptance, and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who you are and understand something of what it means to be gay or lesbian. If you are Coming Out to them, you’ve had more time to deal with this than they have. Encourage Your Parents to Come Out Suggest that they share this with a friend; you needed to come out to others for support, and they will need to do this too. Having a list of phone numbers, such as one for PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians And Gays) could help too. Consider having a “family contact” person. Sometimes a parent will be hurt that they were not the first to know. However, both you and your parents may benefit from having someone in the family to talk to about the issue, how the “Coming Out” went, and how things are going after. An aunt or uncle, sibling, or grandparent may help out tremendously. Be Prepared and Patient Be prepared for negative responses, religious fears, and suggestions for therapy. Often, when faced with some stressor we can’t handle easily, we wish that it would just change. This is something you may have gone through as well; you may have just “wished” to be straight. It is natural that when faced with the loss of the child they thought they had, the likelihood of grandchildren they dreamed of, and other fantasies your parents had for you, that they too will experience some shock and wish things would simply change and go back to “how they used to be.” Consider how the “Worst Case Scenario” might go. Coming Out is hard enough as is; if you need your parents’ financial and emotional support and are really scared they would “cut you off” if you came out, then wait until you can tell them with less fear and anxiety. This may sound like “hiding,” but it’s not. There’s no reason why you can’t build up a network of friends and other family who will be supportive of you and provide some “emotional backup” to get ready for and recover from a difficult Coming Out to family. Be Ready to Teach Explain that your sexual orientation is a biologically based thing, and you can’t control it any more than they can control their own sexual orientation. Being gay or lesbian isn’t their “fault” and does not result from something they did “wrong.” Some parents suggest therapy. There are many who claim to do “reparative therapy,” and even some crackpots in the media, like the infamous “Dr. Laura,” who claim that such therapy is effective and necessary for happiness. It is not effective, and no sound scientific data has ever been gathered and confirmed to support this kind of “treatment.” The American Psychological Association has published a statement indicating that offering therapy to “correct” someone’s sexual orientation against their will is unethical. Often these groups of “recovered” gays and lesbians are simply made to feel very, very guilty about their sexual and intimacy needs. They simply focus on trying to deny all sexual aspects of their being, try to conform to heterosexual lifestyles and expectations, and avoid “relapse” through weekly religious “support groups” where a lot of hush-hush sexual activity goes on after hours. When your parents read about how to talk to you about difficult issues, including potty training, sex, and marriage, they were told to use the same language they wanted you to use. Be patient as your parents learn to use the language you teach them. Explain the terms “gay” and “lesbian” as opposed to “homosexual” and “queer.” Allow them to refer to your partner as a “friend” for a while until they grow comfortable with “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Be ready to talk about AIDS. While your parents may not be ready for any real details, and they may not ask for fear of finding out information they don’t think they can handle, they do need to be assured that you are safe and have tested negative. Of course, if you are positive, lying to your family at the outset may not be recommended. Be ready to discuss the issue as much or as little as your family wants. Some people have a book or something for reading materials ready to give parents. It’s a nice way for them to be reminded gently about something they must learn about, and allow them to read and think about it at their convenience. Explain Why You Are Coming Out Explain that you are telling them this because you love them and don’t want to be dishonest with them. Tell them to that you are not alone, and that you have gay and lesbian friends for support too. Sometimes parents react with worry about their children; they know it is an unfair world out there. Assure them that while you know there is discrimination, you stick up for yourself and can handle what comes to you as a result of your decision to be what you are. Sometimes helping parents understand the burden of being closeted, the stress it creates, and the ultimate separation from family that many gays and lesbians accept or suffer with helps. Urvashi Vaid, a spokeswoman for gay and lesbian rights, once said that her mother asked her why she had to be so open about her sexuality, and why it couldn’t just be a private thing. She explained that Coming Out was as much a political act as a personal one. Coming Out lets others know that gays and lesbians exist around them; we are to a large extent an “invisible minority.” Coming Out makes us visible, and gives others the chance to be aware of and work through their own biases, to see the discrimination in the world, and to consider these issues on their own before being confronted with them somewhere else by someone else in a less understanding fashion.

LGBTQ* Coming Out


(tips and writing below from Gay and Lesbian Resource’s PyschPage)




Pick a Good Time


 

Don’t Come Out in an argument, or at a time when you feel angry or resentful. The message will be delivered to family in a time of bad feelings and will convey those bad feelings, making the process more difficult for you and your family in the long run.

Give them time to get used to it before you introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They may be willing to accept your “friend” more readily and more easily if the sexual nature of your relationship is not so quickly and constantly apparent. Let them see that your “friend” cares about you, knows you well, treats you well, and wants you to be happy just like your parents do. That is what you ultimately want them to know about your partner, not that they are sexually active.



It Takes Time
Understand that it takes time for them to accept this about you, just like it did for you. Your family will go through periods of rejection, acceptance, and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who you are and understand something of what it means to be gay or lesbian. If you are Coming Out to them, you’ve had more time to deal with this than they have.



Encourage Your Parents to Come Out
Suggest that they share this with a friend; you needed to come out to others for support, and they will need to do this too. Having a list of phone numbers, such as one for PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians And Gays) could help too.

Consider having a “family contact” person. Sometimes a parent will be hurt that they were not the first to know. However, both you and your parents may benefit from having someone in the family to talk to about the issue, how the “Coming Out” went, and how things are going after. An aunt or uncle, sibling, or grandparent may help out tremendously.



Be Prepared and Patient
Be prepared for negative responses, religious fears, and suggestions for therapy. Often, when faced with some stressor we can’t handle easily, we wish that it would just change. This is something you may have gone through as well; you may have just “wished” to be straight. It is natural that when faced with the loss of the child they thought they had, the likelihood of grandchildren they dreamed of, and other fantasies your parents had for you, that they too will experience some shock and wish things would simply change and go back to “how they used to be.”

Consider how the “Worst Case Scenario” might go. Coming Out is hard enough as is; if you need your parents’ financial and emotional support and are really scared they would “cut you off” if you came out, then wait until you can tell them with less fear and anxiety. This may sound like “hiding,” but it’s not.

There’s no reason why you can’t build up a network of friends and other family who will be supportive of you and provide some “emotional backup” to get ready for and recover from a difficult Coming Out to family.



Be Ready to Teach
Explain that your sexual orientation is a biologically based thing, and you can’t control it any more than they can control their own sexual orientation. Being gay or lesbian isn’t their “fault” and does not result from something they did “wrong.”

Some parents suggest therapy. There are many who claim to do “reparative therapy,” and even some crackpots in the media, like the infamous “Dr. Laura,” who claim that such therapy is effective and necessary for happiness. It is not effective, and no sound scientific data has ever been gathered and confirmed to support this kind of “treatment.” The American Psychological Association has published a statement indicating that offering therapy to “correct” someone’s sexual orientation against their will is unethical. Often these groups of “recovered” gays and lesbians are simply made to feel very, very guilty about their sexual and intimacy needs. They simply focus on trying to deny all sexual aspects of their being, try to conform to heterosexual lifestyles and expectations, and avoid “relapse” through weekly religious “support groups” where a lot of hush-hush sexual activity goes on after hours.

When your parents read about how to talk to you about difficult issues, including potty training, sex, and marriage, they were told to use the same language they wanted you to use. Be patient as your parents learn to use the language you teach them. Explain the terms “gay” and “lesbian” as opposed to “homosexual” and “queer.” Allow them to refer to your partner as a “friend” for a while until they grow comfortable with “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

Be ready to talk about AIDS. While your parents may not be ready for any real details, and they may not ask for fear of finding out information they don’t think they can handle, they do need to be assured that you are safe and have tested negative. Of course, if you are positive, lying to your family at the outset may not be recommended. Be ready to discuss the issue as much or as little as your family wants.

Some people have a book or something for reading materials ready to give parents. It’s a nice way for them to be reminded gently about something they must learn about, and allow them to read and think about it at their convenience.



Explain Why You Are Coming Out
Explain that you are telling them this because you love them and don’t want to be dishonest with them. Tell them to that you are not alone, and that you have gay and lesbian friends for support too. Sometimes parents react with worry about their children; they know it is an unfair world out there. Assure them that while you know there is discrimination, you stick up for yourself and can handle what comes to you as a result of your decision to be what you are.

Sometimes helping parents understand the burden of being closeted, the stress it creates, and the ultimate separation from family that many gays and lesbians accept or suffer with helps. Urvashi Vaid, a spokeswoman for gay and lesbian rights, once said that her mother asked her why she had to be so open about her sexuality, and why it couldn’t just be a private thing. She explained that Coming Out was as much a political act as a personal one.

Coming Out lets others know that gays and lesbians exist around them; we are to a large extent an “invisible minority.” Coming Out makes us visible, and gives others the chance to be aware of and work through their own biases, to see the discrimination in the world, and to consider these issues on their own before being confronted with them somewhere else by someone else in a less understanding fashion.

Posted 1 year ago

162 notes

lgbtq, coming out, parents, family, work, friends, advice,

Apr 5
PFLAG’S: What Can I Do to Make My School Safe for LGBT Youth? Here are 5 ways you can make your school safer for LGBT students no matter what your role: If you’re a student: Doing nothing can be worse than the act itself: Report harassment, bullying, or threats targeted at LGBT students to a trusted teacher or advisor. Encourage your teachers to address homophobia and transphobia in the classroom by posting safe-space posters, stopping hate speech, and supporting gay-straight alliances (GSAs). Watch what you say: Don’t use words associated with being LGBT as euphemisms for stupid and explain to friends and peers who do why they shouldn’t. Ask your school to address LGBT issues by having a Pride Week, bringing a speaker to your school, and talking about sexual orientation and gender identity in class. Support your LGBT peers by joining a GSA: the A stands for ally. If you’re a teacher: Stop hate speech in your classroom. Speak out if you hear a student in your class or in the halls using words like “fag”, “dyke”, or “gay” as put-downs or insults. Ask your administrator for the opportunity to attend “Respect for All” training for diversity and LGBT issues. Participate in educators’ conferences, and speak to current and future teachers about being allies for LGBT staff and students. Post safe-space posters, materials, or just talk to your students about why your classroom a safe-space, free of harassment, bias, and violence. Support gay-straight alliances, chaperon LGBT positive proms, and help LGBT students and staff advocate for fair school policies. If you’re an administrator or guidance counselor: Reach out to both parents and students to help make them aware that peers may be struggling with sexual orientation or gender identity. Meet with teachers and parents to help them learn about the issues that their students, children, or their children’s peers may be facing as a LGBT person. Make sure your library, school healthcare workers, and health teachers include accurate information about gender identity, LGBT sexuality, and health. Ensure that the NYC DOE’s “Respect for All” program and the Chancellor’s Regulation on Bias-Related Harassment and Bullying are known in your school, and that students, parents, and teachers know how to respond to bias incidents. Let students know that your office is open to them, should they need support speaking about bullying, violence, harassment, or conflict at home. If you’re a parent: Understand the issues and terms associated with LGBT issues, and teach your children what you learn. Talk to your kids about hate speech, bullying, and acceptance. Let them know that not participating in these activities, and standing up for others, earns your respect. Work with your PTA to create allied groups in your community, focused on making your school safer. Write to local papers and contact your school administrators to make it known that your family and your community are concerned about safe school issues. Let your children know that you accept them, their friends, and their peers, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Make your home a supportive and open space. (image from University of New Mexico)

PFLAG’S:

What Can I Do to Make My

School Safe for LGBT Youth?

Here are 5 ways you can make your school safer for LGBT students no matter what your role:

If you’re a student:

  • Doing nothing can be worse than the act itself: Report harassment, bullying, or threats targeted at LGBT students to a trusted teacher or advisor.
  • Encourage your teachers to address homophobia and transphobia in the classroom by posting safe-space posters, stopping hate speech, and supporting gay-straight alliances (GSAs).
  • Watch what you say: Don’t use words associated with being LGBT as euphemisms for stupid and explain to friends and peers who do why they shouldn’t.
  • Ask your school to address LGBT issues by having a Pride Week, bringing a speaker to your school, and talking about sexual orientation and gender identity in class.
  • Support your LGBT peers by joining a GSA: the A stands for ally.

If you’re a teacher:

  • Stop hate speech in your classroom. Speak out if you hear a student in your class or in the halls using words like “fag”, “dyke”, or “gay” as put-downs or insults.
  • Ask your administrator for the opportunity to attend “Respect for All” training for diversity and LGBT issues.
  • Participate in educators’ conferences, and speak to current and future teachers about being allies for LGBT staff and students.
  • Post safe-space posters, materials, or just talk to your students about why your classroom a safe-space, free of harassment, bias, and violence.
  • Support gay-straight alliances, chaperon LGBT positive proms, and help LGBT students and staff advocate for fair school policies.

If you’re an administrator or guidance counselor:

  • Reach out to both parents and students to help make them aware that peers may be struggling with sexual orientation or gender identity.
  • Meet with teachers and parents to help them learn about the issues that their students, children, or their children’s peers may be facing as a LGBT person.
  • Make sure your library, school healthcare workers, and health teachers include accurate information about gender identity, LGBT sexuality, and health.
  • Ensure that the NYC DOE’s “Respect for All” program and the Chancellor’s Regulation on Bias-Related Harassment and Bullying are known in your school, and that students, parents, and teachers know how to respond to bias incidents.
  • Let students know that your office is open to them, should they need support speaking about bullying, violence, harassment, or conflict at home.

If you’re a parent:

  • Understand the issues and terms associated with LGBT issues, and teach your children what you learn.
  • Talk to your kids about hate speech, bullying, and acceptance. Let them know that not participating in these activities, and standing up for others, earns your respect.
  • Work with your PTA to create allied groups in your community, focused on making your school safer.
  • Write to local papers and contact your school administrators to make it known that your family and your community are concerned about safe school issues.
  • Let your children know that you accept them, their friends, and their peers, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Make your home a supportive and open space.

(image from University of New Mexico)

Posted 1 year ago

638 notes

lgbtq, safe zone, safe space, safe haven, education, school, gay, lesbian, bi, bisexual, pan, pansexual, genderqueer, transgender, trans*, questioning, undeclared, queer, parents, educators, teachers, faculty, college, high school, jr high, pflag,

Apr 4

LGBTQ* Hidden Camera

“What Would You Do?” - ABC’s WWYD tackles bullies, siblings and same-sex parents

Posted 1 year ago

270 notes

lgbtq, same-sex marriage, parents, children, bully, bullies, homosexual, homosexuality, what would you do, abc,

Mar 29
LBGTQ* History Through Pictures PFLAG Moms, Mrs. Elizabeth Montgomery & Mrs. Jean Manford, show their support during the 1974 Pride Day Parade in New York City.

LBGTQ* History Through Pictures

PFLAG Moms, Mrs. Elizabeth Montgomery & Mrs. Jean Manford, show their support during the 1974 Pride Day Parade in New York City.

Posted 1 year ago

2,863 notes

family, friends, lgbtq, marching, mom, mothers, new york city, nyc, parade, parents, pflag, pride, popular,

Mar 24
LGBTQ* Websites and Books You Should Know The wonderful authors and illustrators of THE GENDER BOOK have released a new 60 page color booklet for you to read, download, print, and share. Check out their homepage HERE Print and share the newest edition HERE

LGBTQ* Websites and Books You Should Know

The wonderful authors and illustrators of THE GENDER BOOK have released a new 60 page color booklet for you to read, download, print, and share.

Check out their homepage HERE

Print and share the newest edition HERE

Posted 1 year ago

125 notes

gender, queer, genderqueer, trans*, transsexual, transgender, lgbtq, asexual, sexuality, guide, helpful, parents, friends, family, print, share,

Feb 24
LGBTQ* Insight and Advice 10 Tips For Parents Of A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans* or Queer Child (from Advocates for Youth) By Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Coordinator, The Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services, Ithaca College  * Please note: These tips can also be useful for other trusted adults in the GLBT young person’s life, explaining how a caring adult can be there for GLBT youth.  Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBT children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBT people.Here’s a quick lesson on two frequently misunderstood terms:Sexual orientation—Describes to whom a person feels attraction: people of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both genders.Gender identity—A person’s inner sense of gender—male, female, some of each, neither. Transgender people have a gender identity that is different from the gender to which they were born or assigned at birth.Some people ask, “Isn’t transgender just like being gay?” No. Transgender describes a person’s internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes a person’s feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, but gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for GLBT and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBT issues, or a GLBT community center nearby. Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on the Internet that connects people with support and materials on these important topics. Three excellent Web sites are Youth Resource, Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. For a diverse selection of links to a variety of GLBT sites, including education, family, health and wellness, and multiple identities, visit Ithaca College’s Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services and click on the “links” button. Find out where your local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBT kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable. Don’t make it ALL there is … just because your child has come out as GLBT does not mean the young person’s whole world revolves around sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be GLBT. Still, being GLBT isn’t the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs. ASK your child before you “come out” to others on the child’s behalf.Friends and family members might have questions or want to know what’s up; but it is most important to be respectful of what your child wants. Don’t betray your child’s trust! Praise your GLBT child for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage the youth to continue to keep you “in the know.” If your child turns to you to share personal information, you’re must be doing something right! You are askable. You’re sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, “Yes, I’ll listen. Please talk to me!” Give yourself some credit—your GLBT child chose to come out to you. Congratulations! Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place at your child’s school. Does the school and/or school district have a non-discrimination policy? Is a there a GLBT/straight support group? Do you know any “out” people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information? (Before doing so, again refer to tip number 7, above. Ask your child if it’s okay for you to “come out” about the child.) Educate yourself on local, state and national laws and polices regarding GLBT people. On the national level, GLBT people are still second-class citizens in regard to some national policies and their rights are not guaranteed by law. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to GLBT people in the United States. A good place to start is the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

LGBTQ* Insight and Advice

10 Tips For Parents Of A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans* or Queer Child

(from Advocates for Youth)

By Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Coordinator, The Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services, Ithaca College 

* Please note: These tips can also be useful for other trusted adults in the GLBT young person’s life, explaining how a caring adult can be there for GLBT youth. 

  1. Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBT children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child.
  2. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBT people.

    Here’s a quick lesson on two frequently misunderstood terms:

    Sexual orientation—Describes to whom a person feels attraction: people of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both genders.

    Gender identity—A person’s inner sense of gender—male, female, some of each, neither. Transgender people have a gender identity that is different from the gender to which they were born or assigned at birth.

    Some people ask, “Isn’t transgender just like being gay?” No. Transgender describes a person’s internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes a person’s feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, but gender identity is     not the same as sexual orientation.
  3. Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for GLBT and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBT issues, or a GLBT community center nearby.
  4. Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on the Internet that connects people with support and materials on these important topics. Three excellent Web sites are Youth Resource, Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. For a diverse selection of links to a variety of GLBT sites, including education, family, health and wellness, and multiple identities, visit Ithaca College’s Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services and click on the “links” button.
  5. Find out where your local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBT kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable.
  6. Don’t make it ALL there is … just because your child has come out as GLBT does not mean the young person’s whole world revolves around sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be GLBT. Still, being GLBT isn’t the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs.
  7. ASK your child before you “come out” to others on the child’s behalf.Friends and family members might have questions or want to know what’s up; but it is most important to be respectful of what your child wants. Don’t betray your child’s trust!
  8. Praise your GLBT child for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage the youth to continue to keep you “in the know.” If your child turns to you to share personal information, you’re must be doing something right! You are askable. You’re sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, “Yes, I’ll listen. Please talk to me!” Give yourself some credit—your GLBT child chose to come out to you. Congratulations!
  9. Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place at your child’s school. Does the school and/or school district have a non-discrimination policy? Is a there a GLBT/straight support group? Do you know any “out” people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information? (Before doing so, again refer to tip number 7, above. Ask your child if it’s okay for you to “come out” about the child.)

Educate yourself on local, state and national laws and polices regarding GLBT people. On the national level, GLBT people are still second-class citizens in regard to some national policies and their rights are not guaranteed by law. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to GLBT people in the United States. A good place to start is the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Posted 1 year ago

136 notes

lgbtq, ngltf, gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, queer, transgender, advice, advocates for youth, lisa maurer, advice, parents, family, friends,

Feb 16
LGBTQ* Quotes and Quips Republican Maureen Walsh comment taken from Walsh’s speech before Washington voted to equalize same-sex marriage  You can watch the video HERE

LGBTQ* Quotes and Quips

Republican Maureen Walsh

comment taken from Walsh’s speech before Washington voted to equalize same-sex marriage 

You can watch the video HERE

Posted 1 year ago

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Jan 25
LGBTQ* Insight and Advice Coming Out to Your Parents Remember EVERY family is unique and reactions are not the same for any two people. Questions you should ask yourself: Be Clear in Your Own Mind Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment. Are you comfortable with your sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image. Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical. Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research. What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job. Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years. What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon. Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue. Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you. What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way. What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you. Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response. * Questions supplied by PFLAG Philadelphia // Picture from: Curve Magazine

LGBTQ* Insight and Advice

Coming Out to Your Parents

Remember EVERY family is unique and reactions are not the same for any two people.

Questions you should ask yourself:

Be Clear in Your Own Mind

  1. Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don’t raise the issue unless you’re able to respond with confidence to the question “Are you sure?” Confusion on your part will increase your parents’ confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.

  2. Are you comfortable with your sexuality? If you’re wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you’ll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.

  3. Do you have support? In the event your parents’ reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.

  4. Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you’ve done some serious reading on the subject, you’ll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.

  5. What’s the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they’re not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.

  6. Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven’t considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.

  7. What’s your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.

  8. Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.

  9. Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.

  10. What is your general relationship with your parents? If you’ve gotten along well and have always known their love — and shared your love for them in return — chances are they’ll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.

  11. What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they’ve evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.

  12. Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don’t be pressured into it if you’re not sure you’ll be better off by doing so — no matter what their response.



* Questions supplied by PFLAG Philadelphia // Picture from: Curve Magazine

Posted 1 year ago

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Jan 24
LBGTQ* Books To Keep On Your Radar Love, Ellen: A Mother / Daughter Journey by Betty Degeneres More than 20 years have passed since Ellen DeGeneres came out to her mother on a beach in Mississippi. Stunned, Betty DeGeneres could only think of her own disappointed expectations. As she put her arms around her daughter, she was struck by the realization that she would never see Ellen’s picture on the engagements page of the Times-Picayune, her local paper. That Ellen would eventually appear on the front page of thePicayune and countless newspapers and magazines around the world is an irony not lost on her mother: “If I had known she was going to grow up to be Ellen DeGeneres,” Betty quips, “I would have taken more pictures.” Now the spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign’s National Coming Out Project, Betty DeGeneres travels the country explaining how she came to terms with her daughter’s sexuality, and how love and acceptance can transform a family. Love, Ellen is an extension of her warm and much-admired public speaking, providing insight into her own life as well as Ellen’s and arguing for further education, compassion, and the passage of antidiscrimination laws. —Regina Marler — Personal Note: My roommates actually gave me a copy of this when I came out so I could hear from a mother’s perspective some of the things my family would go through in my process. I highly recommend it.  - Rebecca 

LBGTQ* Books To Keep On Your Radar

Love, Ellen: A Mother / Daughter Journey by Betty Degeneres

More than 20 years have passed since Ellen DeGeneres came out to her mother on a beach in Mississippi. Stunned, Betty DeGeneres could only think of her own disappointed expectations. As she put her arms around her daughter, she was struck by the realization that she would never see Ellen’s picture on the engagements page of the Times-Picayune, her local paper. That Ellen would eventually appear on the front page of thePicayune and countless newspapers and magazines around the world is an irony not lost on her mother: “If I had known she was going to grow up to be Ellen DeGeneres,” Betty quips, “I would have taken more pictures.”

Now the spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign’s National Coming Out Project, Betty DeGeneres travels the country explaining how she came to terms with her daughter’s sexuality, and how love and acceptance can transform a family. Love, Ellen is an extension of her warm and much-admired public speaking, providing insight into her own life as well as Ellen’s and arguing for further education, compassion, and the passage of antidiscrimination laws. —Regina Marler

— Personal Note: My roommates actually gave me a copy of this when I came out so I could hear from a mother’s perspective some of the things my family would go through in my process. I highly recommend it.  - Rebecca 

Posted 1 year ago

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Jan 8

LGBTQ* Parents, Family and Coming Out

Michelle (MaMa Beav) of The Beaver Bunch and her mother discuss coming out, parents reactions, and time.

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Jul 30
LGBTQ* Equality Marches, Pride and Rally History The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender movement recognizes that our quest for social justice fundamentally links us to the struggles against racism and sexism, class bias, economic injustice, and religious intolerance. ~~Action Statement Preamble to March Platform (above picture: Father/Daughter protesters at the gay and lesbian pride protest in Washington, D.C. in 1993)

LGBTQ* Equality Marches, Pride and Rally History

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender movement recognizes that our quest for social justice fundamentally links us to the struggles against racism and sexism, class bias, economic injustice, and religious intolerance.

~~Action Statement Preamble to March Platform

(above picture: Father/Daughter protesters at the gay and lesbian pride protest in Washington, D.C. in 1993)

Posted 1 year ago

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