Trans* Pronouns 101

(following text from Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered *LINK* from blogger Alexis Handwerker)

Nobody wants to be that person in a social situation. You know, the one who gets their pronouns all wrong? There you are in a room with people identifying as ze, they or hir and it doesn’t even occur to you to ask. You make a few assumptions about peoples’ genders, are met with blank stares or even worse, and pretty soon you’re in a corner all alone. Well, we’re here to help you not be that person.

If you’re not sure what went wrong, but are sure you don’t want to be that person in any room, then it may be time for you to update your gender and pronoun vocabulary. Avoiding a social faux pas and respecting a person’s ability to identify themselves, will ensure you get an invite to the next function.  Pronouns are a basic building block of language that indicate the gender of the person you’re referring to. Traditionally, pronouns come in he/him or she/her, and are determined based on what’s assigned at birth. For example, when somebody is born and the doctor says, “It’s a girl! She’s beautiful. What will you name her?”Cisgender folks are those who feel their bodies are aligned with their gender assigned at birth, which is the experience most supported by society.  So, for many cis folks, the story of their gender ends right there, as does their thinking about the appropriate label in which to address a person.

But the two-party system of pronouns is outdated, as there are a range of people whose gender stories are more complex. Finding self-descriptive language that feels right can be a tricky process, and one that only the individual can determine best. Some transgender folks identify as male or female, though it’s the opposite gender of the one assigned at birth. Genderqueers don’t subscribe to the idea of only two genders and may feel more comfortable somewhere in between. Bigenders identify as male and female and some First Nations folks embody both feminine and masculine spirits. Agenders identify as no gender at all. Luckily, there are more neutral personal pronoun options now, including they/their, ze/hir, ey/eir and the newborn, Swedish ‘hen’ . Recognition of diverse gender identities has a long history around the world, and neutral pronouns are language’s way of catching up.

So, where does this leave you? When you’re mingling at a party, heading up a meeting, or in school, just be mindful of the potential for multiple genders in the room. If you’re unsure of someone’s preferred pronouns, don’t be afraid to ASK. Once you learn them, use them every time, like you would for anyone else. Not being that person can be as simple as that.

Thank for asking!

Want to learn more? Check out:

• Melissa Harris-Perry hosts an awesome show on MSNBC. Watch her recent episode on being transgender in America.
• Queer women of color talk gender, during Episode 2 of the phenomenal web series The Peculiar Kind.
• This interactive map lets you learn the names, history and culture of different gender identities around the world.
• Transgender People of Color Coalition work together to address issues that impact trans men and women of color. Get involved!
• Genderfork is an amazing online, volunteer run community for people across the gender spectrum to connect. Here you’ll find photos, words of encouragement and opportunities to make friends.
• BLITZ is a comprehensive nationwide resource guide and online community for all people under the transgender umbrella and their allies.

Vocabulary You Should Know (and understand)

Graphic and following text from BASIC RIGHTS OREGON:

You may have heard the word cisgender before, but you may not know what it means.  Cisgender is a term used to describe people who, for the most part, identify as the gender they were assigned at birth.  For example, if a doctor said “it’s a boy!” when you were born, and you identify as a man, then you could be described as cisgender. In other words, ‘cisgender’ is used to describe people who are not transgender.

So why do we say ‘cisgender’ instead of ‘non-transgender’? Because, referring to cisgender people as ‘non trans’ implies that cisgender people are the default and that being trans is abnormal.  Many people have said ‘transgender people’ and ‘normal people’, but when we say ‘cisgender’ and ‘transgender’ neither is implied as more normal than the other.

Using the word ‘cisgender’ is also an educational tool.  To simply define people as ‘non-trans’ implies that only transgender people have a gender identity.  But that’s not true.  Like sexual orientation, race, class, and many other identities, all of us have a gender identity. 

Language is important; it defines human relationships.  That is why it’s important use language of equality and inclusion.

LGBTQ* Privileges (or lacking privileges) You Should Be Aware Of

30+ Examples of Cisgender Privilege

(following text from: Its Pronounced Metrosexual )

Following is a list of cisgender identity privileges.  If you’re not familiar with the term, “cisgender” means having a biological sex that matches your gender identity and expression, resulting in other people accurately perceiving your gender.  If you are cisgender, listed below are benefits that result from your alignment of identity and perceived identity.  If you identify as cisgender, there’s a good chance you’ve never thought about these things.  Try and be more cognizant and you’ll start to realize how much work we have to do in order to make things better for the transgender folks who don’t have access to these privileges.  If you’re unsure of what it means to be “transgender” you can read about it in our gender identity guide.

1. Use public restrooms without fear of verbal abuse, physical intimidation, or arrest
2. Use public facilities such as gym locker rooms and store changing rooms without stares, fear, or anxiety.
3. Strangers don’t assume they can ask you what your genitals look like and how you have sex.
4. Your validity as a man/woman/human is not based on how much surgery you’ve had or how well you “pass” as non-transgender.
5. You have the ability to walk through the world and generally blend-in, not being constantly stared or gawked at, whispered about, pointed at, or laughed at because of your gender expression.
6. You can access gender exclusive spaces such as the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, Greek Life, or Take Back the Night and not be excluded due to your trans status.
7. Strangers call you by the name you provide, and don’t ask what your “real name” [birth name] is and then assume that they have a right to call you by that name.
8. You can reasonably assume that your ability to acquire a job, rent an apartment, or secure a loan will not be denied on the basis of your gender identity/expression.
9. You have the ability to flirt, engage in courtship, or form a relationship and not fear that your biological status may be cause for rejection or attack, nor will it cause your partner to question their sexual orientation.
10. If you end up in the emergency room, you do not have to worry that your gender will keep you from receiving appropriate treatment, or that all of your medical issues will be seen as a result of your gender.
11. Your identity is not considered a mental pathology (“gender identity disorder” in the DSM IV) by the psychological and medical establishments.
12. You have the ability to not worry about being placed in a sex-segregated detention center, holding facility, jail or prison that is incongruent with your identity.
13. You have the ability to not be profiled on the street as a sex worker because of your gender expression.
14. You are not required to undergo an extensive psychological evaluation in order to receive basic medical care.
15. You do not have to defend you right to be a part of “Queer,” and gays and lesbians will not try to exclude you from “their” equal  rights movement because of your gender identity (or any equality movement, including feminist rights).
16. If you are murdered (or have any crime committed against you), your gender expression will not be used as a justification for your murder (“gay panic”) nor as a reason to coddle the perpetrators.
17. You can easily find role models and mentors to emulate who share your identity.
18. Hollywood accurately depicts people of your gender in films and television, and does not solely make  your identity the focus of a dramatic storyline, or the punchline for a joke.
19. Be able to assume that everyone you encounter will understand your identity, and not think you’re confused, misled, or hell-bound when you reveal it to them.
20. Being able to purchase clothes that match your gender identity without being refused service/mocked by staff or questioned on your genitals.
21. Being able to purchase shoes that fit your gender expression without having to order them in special sizes or asking someone to custom-make them.
22. No stranger checking your identification or drivers license will ever insult or glare at you because your name or sex does not match the sex they believed you to be based on your gender expression.
23. You can reasonably assume that you will not be denied services at a hospital, bank, or other institution because the staff does not believe the gender marker on your ID card to match your gender identity.
24. Having your gender as an option on a form.
25. Being able to tick a box on a form without someone disagreeing, and telling you not to lie.  Yes, this happens.
26. Not fearing interactions with police officers due to your gender identity.
27. Being able to go to places with friends on a whim knowing there will be bathrooms there you can use.
28. You don’t have to convince your parents of your true gender and/or have to earn your parents’ and siblings’ love and respect all over again.
29. You don’t have to remind your extended family over and over to use proper gender pronouns (e.g., after transitioning).
30. You don’t have to deal with old photographs that did not reflect who you truly are.
31. Knowing that if you’re dating someone they aren’t just looking to satisfy a curiosity or kink pertaining to your gender identity (e.g., the “novelty” of having sex with a trans- person).
32. Being able to pretend that anatomy and gender are irrevocably entwined when having the “boy parts and girl parts” talk with children, instead of explaining the actual complexity of the issue 

Depression Phone Assistance/Support

Crisis Help Line –Any/All Crisis: 1-800-233-4357

National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000

National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)

Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999

Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) –US, U.K., Canada, and Singapore

LGBTQ* Assistance/Support

Gay & Lesbian National Support: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth Support Line: 1-800-850-8078

The Trevor Helpline: 1-800-850-8078

Lesbian & Gay Switchboard: (UK) 0121 622 6589

Youth & Teen Phone Assistance/Support

Child Helpline: (UK) 0800 1111

National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663

Runaway Support (Confidential): 800-231-6946

Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900

Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)

Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009

LGBTQ* Websites You Should Know

Immigration Equality

Immigration Equality recognizes that among the most important services we can offer to our members and constituents are timely, accurate legal information, and access to quality legal representation. We therefore regularly update our website to keep readers informed of changes in the law. We also distribute a monthly email bulletin describing changes in the law. (from about us page)

Immigration Equality offers training, outreach and legal assistance to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender immigrants.