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Feb 21
LGBTQ* Articles and Advice (You May Have Missed) How to Bed a Trans Man by Raymond (of the Huffington Post) You’re a savvy queer who’s been eyeing a hot trans guy at the monthly dance parties, or the regular cutie you see at all the fundraising events, but how you make the approach? We here at Early to Bed have had many customers ask for our help in flirting and consummating their crush on an FTM. If you can’t make it to the shop in person, lucky you, here are seven tips to help you up your seduction game and keep you from inadvertently offending (or just turning off) your date. 1. Don’t use the word “tranny.” RuPaul loves it, but you’re not on a date with RuPaul. The word is highly charged in the trans community because of its hurtful use in the past, and even if your date uses it to describe themselves or others, chances are when you say the word, you’ll sound awkward at best, or a like an insensitive jerk at worst. 2. If you mess up pronouns, apologize briefly and move on. Everyone makes verbal gaffes. Quickly say you’re sorry and keep the conversation flowing. People mess up names and pronouns of non-trans folks, too; our brains are not perfect, so don’t make it a huge deal and draw more attention to it. Then, make a concerted effort to not mess up pronouns again. If you keep saying the wrong pronoun, though, consider that maybe you aren’t ready to be on the date. 3. Do your own research beforehand. How do you take the hormones? What types of surgery are available? What’s this tight nylon shirt you’re wearing? What does “non-op transsexual” mean? All these questions can be answered by the Internet, so don’t treat your date like a private googling session (unless you’re supergeeks and that’s part of a fantasy scenario). Educating yourself on these topics will keep your curiosity from accidentally spilling all over your date, and it will also make conversation easier to follow on your end if he does mention things about his transition or past. However… 4. Don’t bring up trans stuff too much. With all your newfound knowledge, you might now be tempted to flaunt it, but don’t. Play it cool. As a rule, think of it as a 3-to-1 ratio: you should only bring it up once for every three times your date does. Now, if your date is really, really into discussing social construction of gender, queer critical theory, trans politics, etc., then go for it; it’s good to talk excitedly about topics that your date likes to talk excitedly about. But if he’s not fixated on the topic, then you shouldn’t be, either. 5. Don’t tell anecdotes about other dates with trans men (or about your trans friends). Some trans people like knowing that their date has been to the rodeo before, so to speak. Others think it’s an immediate red flag that you’re a fetishist. Mentioning it once casually in the proper context is OK, but don’t instigate the story out of nowhere. Going on and on about your trans friend(s) is meaningless, too; we want to see your behaviors in action, not get a list of your personal references. 6. Don’t ask us our birth names. We went through a lot of trouble to train and educate our friends and families to switch to a new name, plus we probably paid court fees to do it legally. Your curiosity is normal, but the question itself puts us in an uncomfortable place of having to remember our past and talk about it with a near stranger who hasn’t properly taken the time to get to know us in the present. It’s also kind of a boner-killer to have someone gawking at how we don’t look like a Heather anymore. 7. Do give flirty compliments. Unless you have X-ray vision, the majority of what makes someone attractive to you is not what’s between their legs or inside their pants. More likely it’s things like the way they move across the room, a grin, how they hold a glass, a look in their eyes, the way they tell a story — all characteristics that have no gender markers whatsoever. Talk about those things as turn-ons. Use gender-neutral adjectives (“sexy,” “smoldering,” “attractive,” “compelling,” “hot”) and maybe throw in “cute,” “adorable,” or “handsome.” Avoid adjectives that tend to be gendered in either direction — too feminine and it can feel uncomfortable, but too masculine and it can sound like you’re overcompensating. (The same goes for excessive dude-bro speak.) Raymond is an instructor at Early to Bed, a feminist sex toy shop in Chicago. Women-owned and oriented, boy- and trans-friendly, the store has a relaxed atmosphere that is different from your average sex shop. Their brother site, Early to Rise, caters to men seeking sex toy advice and honest product reviews. (source)

LGBTQ* Articles and Advice (You May Have Missed)

How to Bed a Trans Man

by Raymond (of the Huffington Post)

You’re a savvy queer who’s been eyeing a hot trans guy at the monthly dance parties, or the regular cutie you see at all the fundraising events, but how you make the approach? We here at Early to Bed have had many customers ask for our help in flirting and consummating their crush on an FTM. If you can’t make it to the shop in person, lucky you, here are seven tips to help you up your seduction game and keep you from inadvertently offending (or just turning off) your date.

1. Don’t use the word “tranny.”

RuPaul loves it, but you’re not on a date with RuPaul. The word is highly charged in the trans community because of its hurtful use in the past, and even if your date uses it to describe themselves or others, chances are when you say the word, you’ll sound awkward at best, or a like an insensitive jerk at worst.

2. If you mess up pronouns, apologize briefly and move on.

Everyone makes verbal gaffes. Quickly say you’re sorry and keep the conversation flowing. People mess up names and pronouns of non-trans folks, too; our brains are not perfect, so don’t make it a huge deal and draw more attention to it. Then, make a concerted effort to not mess up pronouns again. If you keep saying the wrong pronoun, though, consider that maybe you aren’t ready to be on the date.

3. Do your own research beforehand.

How do you take the hormones? What types of surgery are available? What’s this tight nylon shirt you’re wearing? What does “non-op transsexual” mean? All these questions can be answered by the Internet, so don’t treat your date like a private googling session (unless you’re supergeeks and that’s part of a fantasy scenario). Educating yourself on these topics will keep your curiosity from accidentally spilling all over your date, and it will also make conversation easier to follow on your end if he does mention things about his transition or past. However…

4. Don’t bring up trans stuff too much.

With all your newfound knowledge, you might now be tempted to flaunt it, but don’t. Play it cool. As a rule, think of it as a 3-to-1 ratio: you should only bring it up once for every three times your date does. Now, if your date is really, really into discussing social construction of gender, queer critical theory, trans politics, etc., then go for it; it’s good to talk excitedly about topics that your date likes to talk excitedly about. But if he’s not fixated on the topic, then you shouldn’t be, either.

5. Don’t tell anecdotes about other dates with trans men (or about your trans friends).

Some trans people like knowing that their date has been to the rodeo before, so to speak. Others think it’s an immediate red flag that you’re a fetishist. Mentioning it once casually in the proper context is OK, but don’t instigate the story out of nowhere. Going on and on about your trans friend(s) is meaningless, too; we want to see your behaviors in action, not get a list of your personal references.

6. Don’t ask us our birth names.

We went through a lot of trouble to train and educate our friends and families to switch to a new name, plus we probably paid court fees to do it legally. Your curiosity is normal, but the question itself puts us in an uncomfortable place of having to remember our past and talk about it with a near stranger who hasn’t properly taken the time to get to know us in the present. It’s also kind of a boner-killer to have someone gawking at how we don’t look like a Heather anymore.

7. Do give flirty compliments.

Unless you have X-ray vision, the majority of what makes someone attractive to you is not what’s between their legs or inside their pants. More likely it’s things like the way they move across the room, a grin, how they hold a glass, a look in their eyes, the way they tell a story — all characteristics that have no gender markers whatsoever. Talk about those things as turn-ons. Use gender-neutral adjectives (“sexy,” “smoldering,” “attractive,” “compelling,” “hot”) and maybe throw in “cute,” “adorable,” or “handsome.” Avoid adjectives that tend to be gendered in either direction — too feminine and it can feel uncomfortable, but too masculine and it can sound like you’re overcompensating. (The same goes for excessive dude-bro speak.)

Raymond is an instructor at Early to Bed, a feminist sex toy shop in Chicago. Women-owned and oriented, boy- and trans-friendly, the store has a relaxed atmosphere that is different from your average sex shop. Their brother site, Early to Rise, caters to men seeking sex toy advice and honest product reviews.

(source)

Posted 3 months ago

749 notes

lgbtq, trans*, trans, trangender, transman, open dialogue, safe sexual dialogues, advice, Raymond, Huffington Post,

May 30
LGBTQ* Insight and Ideas (following text from PflagWestchester) An Effective Ally…    • Respects confidentiality.   • Allows individuals to lead the direction of the conversation, lets them  make their own choices, and listens, listens, listens.  • Talks to LGBT family, friends, and coworkers.   • Avoids assumptions and stereotyping.   • Tries using gender-neutral terms when talking about significant others,  spouses, and partners.  • Expects to make some mistakes, but doesn’t use them as an excuse  for not acting.   • Acknowledges how homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexism have  operated in their life.   • Educates themself about issues facing LGBT people.   • Has a sense of humor.   • Knows when and how to refer somebody to outside help, and to get  professional adult intervention when necessary.   An Effective Ally Doesn’t … • Have all the answers.   • Try to “fix” problems   • Proceed with an interaction if boundaries or personal safety have been  violated.   Photo from: NYU’s Ally Week. Copied from: Toronto District School Board’s website

LGBTQ* Insight and Ideas

(following text from PflagWestchester)

An Effective Ally…   

• Respects confidentiality.  

• Allows individuals to lead the direction of the conversation, lets them 

make their own choices, and listens, listens, listens. 

• Talks to LGBT family, friends, and coworkers.  

• Avoids assumptions and stereotyping.  

• Tries using gender-neutral terms when talking about significant others, 

spouses, and partners. 

• Expects to make some mistakes, but doesn’t use them as an excuse 

for not acting.  

• Acknowledges how homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexism have 

operated in their life.  

• Educates themself about issues facing LGBT people.  

• Has a sense of humor.  

• Knows when and how to refer somebody to outside help, and to get 

professional adult intervention when necessary.  

An Effective Ally Doesn’t …

• Have all the answers.  

• Try to “fix” problems  

• Proceed with an interaction if boundaries or personal safety have been 

violated.  

Photo from: NYU’s Ally Week. Copied from: Toronto District School Board’s website

Posted 11 months ago

343 notes

ally, lgbtq, gay, bi, bisexual, lesbian, trans, trans*, transgender, queer, genderqueer, coming out, pflag, insight, advice, pansexual, pan, ace, asexual, allies, soffa, respect,

May 2
LGBTQ* Coming Out WikiHow’s Weigh-In on Coming Out Edited byBen Rubenstein  (following from WIkiHow) In this guide, the term gay has been used to include all forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, whether that be people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or pansexual. Know if you are Gay. Sometimes people question their sexuality. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don’t fit easily into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don’t allow yourself to be labeled until, or unless, you are ready and willing to be. If you feel that you don’t fit, or you can’t understand why you aren’t like other people in your life because you are different, remember that you are you, and not anyone else; and that being yourself and accepting yourself for the person that you are is something to be immensely proud of.  Remember that you didn’t choose to be attracted to members of the same sex, and that attempts to change your orientation are usually painful and pointless in the end. When talking with heterosexual friends or family members, it’s sometimes tough to help them understand this, because they have no frame of reference for your experience. Try to encourage others to see your sexual orientation in the same way as they see your eye colour - it is something you were born with and did not choose. It is something that is simply a part of your being, and not something you can change. There isn’t any need to - being gay is just another way of being, and there is nothing wrong with it at all, neither is there anything wrong with you for being gay.  Develop and express your individuality - if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, whatever it may be, then be proud of it - you are the one and only you. Understand that a person who is gay is no different from any other person. Like everyone else, gay people have dreams and goals, and want companionship and love just like anyone else you know. Strive every day to be the best person you can be, and remind yourself of the positive qualities and attributes that make you uniquely who you are. Tell yourself that for people to accept you, first you must accept yourself. If you can’t accept your sexual orientation and feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, then other people find it harder to accept you fully. It’s your right to love; no one has the right to tell you otherwise.Tell yourself: “I am a person with feelings and intellect and a life, just like everyone else. I am unique and individual, and no one has the right to choose my life for me. The fact that I am gay is just another facet of who I am, just as being creative, or optimistic, or having brown eyes is. I may not be like many of my friends, but I choose to live my life authentically and happily. It’s my life, and I choose to be happy”. Remember that you are not alone. There are many, many gay people in all sorts of communities, and there are many people there for you when you need support. There may be agencies, groups, advisers, family members and friends that you can turn to, even if it is just someone to inform of your feelings. Find a group or a hangout where you feel comfortable, and where there will be other gay people to talk with. Make some new friends, and by doing so, you will establish a new network of supportive and encouraging people around yourself. Show people who you are. Coming out of the closet is the boldest step in accepting your sexual orientation, but now that you are able to live “out”, it does not mean that you have to change who you are or what you like. Don’t go trying to change yourself or wishing that you were like the other people in your life to cater to the comfort levels of others - there are over 6.7 billion people in the world, and you can’t please everyone - and those who care about you will still love you for who you are. If someone can’t accept the one small fact of who you are that is your sexuality, and can’t still respect you for the person that you are, then they aren’t worth your time or letting it bother you, because it’s not your fault that the person can’t accept it. TIPS: Be selective. The entire world does not need to know about your sexual orientation. It is not necessary to broadcast who you are, and no one should make you, if you find that telling everyone makes you uncomfortable. Know that, while you want and deserve to live an authentic life, it may not be a good idea to expose yourself to narrow-minded people who may offend you. Don’t come out to a particular person if it doesn’t feel right to you. This is a good rule to follow in general - there could be many reasons why, but if it doesn’t “feel right” then it is probably not the right time to come out to that person. The time to tell them may be later, or never. What is most important is that you come out to yourself. Once you are at ease with your own sexual orientation and have a healthy self-image, the when and how of coming out often fall into place naturally. Don’t worry about what others think; what is important is that you are true to yourself and considerate of others - that doesn’t mean you need to cater to the sensibilities of others. If a friend or a member of your family is having trouble coming to terms with your orientation, you may have to give them time and be patient, or in the long term face the end of that friendship. If you are in a relationship, refrain from using the word “room-mate” or words to that effect to describe your partner. And don’t let your loved ones get away with that, either - if you allow them to pretend by introducing your partner as your “friend” or “room-mate,” then you’re allowing them to put a mask on you and your partner, both. Don’t get nasty about it, just correct them gently, for example:“Well, yes we do live together. Auntie Joan, David is my partner” or “Auntie Joan, I noticed that Jo was introducing you to my girlfriend, Andrea. We dated for a couple of months before moving in together, and we’ve been together about a year now. I’m so glad you finally get to meet her… Andi, come here, sweetie, and meet my Aunt Joan”.Once your family get the idea that you aren’t about to sit back and let them believe that you and David are “just room-mates”, or that you and Andi are “just really good friends”, they will stop attempting to put a mask on your relationship and be more open, too. Remember that being gay does not require you to conform to typical gay stereotypes. Most people who are gay are indistinguishable from those that aren’t, share the same interests, goals and dreams for their lives. Being a homosexual person does not necessarily make you any less masculine or feminine, and there is no need or pressure to conform to stereotypes that don’t feel right to you - because you are who you are. Someone who is transgender (*wording changed by knowhomo) can also be gay. There are plenty of FTMs who are gay, who are into other guys and same goes for MTFs, MTFs who are into other girls. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing. It shows that being gay does not make one “less of a wo/man”

LGBTQ* Coming Out

WikiHow’s Weigh-In on Coming Out

Edited byBen Rubenstein  (following from WIkiHow)

In this guide, the term gay has been used to include all forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, whether that be people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or pansexual.

  1. Know if you are Gay. Sometimes people question their sexuality. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don’t fit easily into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don’t allow yourself to be labeled until, or unless, you are ready and willing to be. If you feel that you don’t fit, or you can’t understand why you aren’t like other people in your life because you are different, remember that you are you, and not anyone else; and that being yourself and accepting yourself for the person that you are is something to be immensely proud of. 
  2. Remember that you didn’t choose to be attracted to members of the same sex, and that attempts to change your orientation are usually painful and pointless in the end. When talking with heterosexual friends or family members, it’s sometimes tough to help them understand this, because they have no frame of reference for your experience. Try to encourage others to see your sexual orientation in the same way as they see your eye colour - it is something you were born with and did not choose. It is something that is simply a part of your being, and not something you can change. There isn’t any need to - being gay is just another way of being, and there is nothing wrong with it at all, neither is there anything wrong with you for being gay. 
  3. Develop and express your individuality - if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, whatever it may be, then be proud of it - you are the one and only you. Understand that a person who is gay is no different from any other person. Like everyone else, gay people have dreams and goals, and want companionship and love just like anyone else you know. Strive every day to be the best person you can be, and remind yourself of the positive qualities and attributes that make you uniquely who you are.
  4. Tell yourself that for people to accept you, first you must accept yourself. If you can’t accept your sexual orientation and feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, then other people find it harder to accept you fully. It’s your right to love; no one has the right to tell you otherwise.Tell yourself: “I am a person with feelings and intellect and a life, just like everyone else. I am unique and individual, and no one has the right to choose my life for me. The fact that I am gay is just another facet of who I am, just as being creative, or optimistic, or having brown eyes is. I may not be like many of my friends, but I choose to live my life authentically and happily. It’s my life, and I choose to be happy”.
  5. Remember that you are not alone. There are many, many gay people in all sorts of communities, and there are many people there for you when you need support. There may be agencies, groups, advisers, family members and friends that you can turn to, even if it is just someone to inform of your feelings. Find a group or a hangout where you feel comfortable, and where there will be other gay people to talk with. Make some new friends, and by doing so, you will establish a new network of supportive and encouraging people around yourself.
  6. Show people who you are. Coming out of the closet is the boldest step in accepting your sexual orientation, but now that you are able to live “out”, it does not mean that you have to change who you are or what you like. Don’t go trying to change yourself or wishing that you were like the other people in your life to cater to the comfort levels of others - there are over 6.7 billion people in the world, and you can’t please everyone - and those who care about you will still love you for who you are. If someone can’t accept the one small fact of who you are that is your sexuality, and can’t still respect you for the person that you are, then they aren’t worth your time or letting it bother you, because it’s not your fault that the person can’t accept it.

TIPS:
  • Be selective. The entire world does not need to know about your sexual orientation. It is not necessary to broadcast who you are, and no one should make you, if you find that telling everyone makes you uncomfortable. Know that, while you want and deserve to live an authentic life, it may not be a good idea to expose yourself to narrow-minded people who may offend you.
  • Don’t come out to a particular person if it doesn’t feel right to you. This is a good rule to follow in general - there could be many reasons why, but if it doesn’t “feel right” then it is probably not the right time to come out to that person. The time to tell them may be later, or never. What is most important is that you come out to yourself. Once you are at ease with your own sexual orientation and have a healthy self-image, the when and how of coming out often fall into place naturally.
  • Don’t worry about what others think; what is important is that you are true to yourself and considerate of others - that doesn’t mean you need to cater to the sensibilities of others. If a friend or a member of your family is having trouble coming to terms with your orientation, you may have to give them time and be patient, or in the long term face the end of that friendship.
  • If you are in a relationship, refrain from using the word “room-mate” or words to that effect to describe your partner. And don’t let your loved ones get away with that, either - if you allow them to pretend by introducing your partner as your “friend” or “room-mate,” then you’re allowing them to put a mask on you and your partner, both. Don’t get nasty about it, just correct them gently, for example:

    • “Well, yes we do live together. Auntie Joan, David is my partner” or “Auntie Joan, I noticed that Jo was introducing you to my girlfriend, Andrea. We dated for a couple of months before moving in together, and we’ve been together about a year now. I’m so glad you finally get to meet her… Andi, come here, sweetie, and meet my Aunt Joan”.

      Once your family get the idea that you aren’t about to sit back and let them believe that you and David are “just room-mates”, or that you and Andi are “just really good friends”, they will stop attempting to put a mask on your relationship and be more open, too.
  • Remember that being gay does not require you to conform to typical gay stereotypes. Most people who are gay are indistinguishable from those that aren’t, share the same interests, goals and dreams for their lives. Being a homosexual person does not necessarily make you any less masculine or feminine, and there is no need or pressure to conform to stereotypes that don’t feel right to you - because you are who you are.
  • Someone who is transgender (*wording changed by knowhomo) can also be gay. There are plenty of FTMs who are gay, who are into other guys and same goes for MTFs, MTFs who are into other girls. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing. It shows that being gay does not make one “less of a wo/man”

Posted 1 year ago

167 notes

lgbtq, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, poly, queer, coming out, wikihow, advice, education,

Apr 23
LBGTQ* Quotes and Quips “Dear Abby…”

LBGTQ* Quotes and Quips

“Dear Abby…”

Posted 1 year ago

108 notes

lgbtq, quotes, quotes and quips, quips, dear abby, move, gayborhood, advice,

Apr 22
LGBTQ* Coming Out (tips and writing below from Gay and Lesbian Resource’s PyschPage) Pick a Good Time   Don’t Come Out in an argument, or at a time when you feel angry or resentful. The message will be delivered to family in a time of bad feelings and will convey those bad feelings, making the process more difficult for you and your family in the long run.Give them time to get used to it before you introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They may be willing to accept your “friend” more readily and more easily if the sexual nature of your relationship is not so quickly and constantly apparent. Let them see that your “friend” cares about you, knows you well, treats you well, and wants you to be happy just like your parents do. That is what you ultimately want them to know about your partner, not that they are sexually active. It Takes Time Understand that it takes time for them to accept this about you, just like it did for you. Your family will go through periods of rejection, acceptance, and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who you are and understand something of what it means to be gay or lesbian. If you are Coming Out to them, you’ve had more time to deal with this than they have. Encourage Your Parents to Come Out Suggest that they share this with a friend; you needed to come out to others for support, and they will need to do this too. Having a list of phone numbers, such as one for PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians And Gays) could help too. Consider having a “family contact” person. Sometimes a parent will be hurt that they were not the first to know. However, both you and your parents may benefit from having someone in the family to talk to about the issue, how the “Coming Out” went, and how things are going after. An aunt or uncle, sibling, or grandparent may help out tremendously. Be Prepared and Patient Be prepared for negative responses, religious fears, and suggestions for therapy. Often, when faced with some stressor we can’t handle easily, we wish that it would just change. This is something you may have gone through as well; you may have just “wished” to be straight. It is natural that when faced with the loss of the child they thought they had, the likelihood of grandchildren they dreamed of, and other fantasies your parents had for you, that they too will experience some shock and wish things would simply change and go back to “how they used to be.” Consider how the “Worst Case Scenario” might go. Coming Out is hard enough as is; if you need your parents’ financial and emotional support and are really scared they would “cut you off” if you came out, then wait until you can tell them with less fear and anxiety. This may sound like “hiding,” but it’s not. There’s no reason why you can’t build up a network of friends and other family who will be supportive of you and provide some “emotional backup” to get ready for and recover from a difficult Coming Out to family. Be Ready to Teach Explain that your sexual orientation is a biologically based thing, and you can’t control it any more than they can control their own sexual orientation. Being gay or lesbian isn’t their “fault” and does not result from something they did “wrong.” Some parents suggest therapy. There are many who claim to do “reparative therapy,” and even some crackpots in the media, like the infamous “Dr. Laura,” who claim that such therapy is effective and necessary for happiness. It is not effective, and no sound scientific data has ever been gathered and confirmed to support this kind of “treatment.” The American Psychological Association has published a statement indicating that offering therapy to “correct” someone’s sexual orientation against their will is unethical. Often these groups of “recovered” gays and lesbians are simply made to feel very, very guilty about their sexual and intimacy needs. They simply focus on trying to deny all sexual aspects of their being, try to conform to heterosexual lifestyles and expectations, and avoid “relapse” through weekly religious “support groups” where a lot of hush-hush sexual activity goes on after hours. When your parents read about how to talk to you about difficult issues, including potty training, sex, and marriage, they were told to use the same language they wanted you to use. Be patient as your parents learn to use the language you teach them. Explain the terms “gay” and “lesbian” as opposed to “homosexual” and “queer.” Allow them to refer to your partner as a “friend” for a while until they grow comfortable with “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Be ready to talk about AIDS. While your parents may not be ready for any real details, and they may not ask for fear of finding out information they don’t think they can handle, they do need to be assured that you are safe and have tested negative. Of course, if you are positive, lying to your family at the outset may not be recommended. Be ready to discuss the issue as much or as little as your family wants. Some people have a book or something for reading materials ready to give parents. It’s a nice way for them to be reminded gently about something they must learn about, and allow them to read and think about it at their convenience. Explain Why You Are Coming Out Explain that you are telling them this because you love them and don’t want to be dishonest with them. Tell them to that you are not alone, and that you have gay and lesbian friends for support too. Sometimes parents react with worry about their children; they know it is an unfair world out there. Assure them that while you know there is discrimination, you stick up for yourself and can handle what comes to you as a result of your decision to be what you are. Sometimes helping parents understand the burden of being closeted, the stress it creates, and the ultimate separation from family that many gays and lesbians accept or suffer with helps. Urvashi Vaid, a spokeswoman for gay and lesbian rights, once said that her mother asked her why she had to be so open about her sexuality, and why it couldn’t just be a private thing. She explained that Coming Out was as much a political act as a personal one. Coming Out lets others know that gays and lesbians exist around them; we are to a large extent an “invisible minority.” Coming Out makes us visible, and gives others the chance to be aware of and work through their own biases, to see the discrimination in the world, and to consider these issues on their own before being confronted with them somewhere else by someone else in a less understanding fashion.

LGBTQ* Coming Out


(tips and writing below from Gay and Lesbian Resource’s PyschPage)




Pick a Good Time


 

Don’t Come Out in an argument, or at a time when you feel angry or resentful. The message will be delivered to family in a time of bad feelings and will convey those bad feelings, making the process more difficult for you and your family in the long run.

Give them time to get used to it before you introduce them to your boyfriend or girlfriend. They may be willing to accept your “friend” more readily and more easily if the sexual nature of your relationship is not so quickly and constantly apparent. Let them see that your “friend” cares about you, knows you well, treats you well, and wants you to be happy just like your parents do. That is what you ultimately want them to know about your partner, not that they are sexually active.



It Takes Time
Understand that it takes time for them to accept this about you, just like it did for you. Your family will go through periods of rejection, acceptance, and then rejection again before they come to accept you for who you are and understand something of what it means to be gay or lesbian. If you are Coming Out to them, you’ve had more time to deal with this than they have.



Encourage Your Parents to Come Out
Suggest that they share this with a friend; you needed to come out to others for support, and they will need to do this too. Having a list of phone numbers, such as one for PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians And Gays) could help too.

Consider having a “family contact” person. Sometimes a parent will be hurt that they were not the first to know. However, both you and your parents may benefit from having someone in the family to talk to about the issue, how the “Coming Out” went, and how things are going after. An aunt or uncle, sibling, or grandparent may help out tremendously.



Be Prepared and Patient
Be prepared for negative responses, religious fears, and suggestions for therapy. Often, when faced with some stressor we can’t handle easily, we wish that it would just change. This is something you may have gone through as well; you may have just “wished” to be straight. It is natural that when faced with the loss of the child they thought they had, the likelihood of grandchildren they dreamed of, and other fantasies your parents had for you, that they too will experience some shock and wish things would simply change and go back to “how they used to be.”

Consider how the “Worst Case Scenario” might go. Coming Out is hard enough as is; if you need your parents’ financial and emotional support and are really scared they would “cut you off” if you came out, then wait until you can tell them with less fear and anxiety. This may sound like “hiding,” but it’s not.

There’s no reason why you can’t build up a network of friends and other family who will be supportive of you and provide some “emotional backup” to get ready for and recover from a difficult Coming Out to family.



Be Ready to Teach
Explain that your sexual orientation is a biologically based thing, and you can’t control it any more than they can control their own sexual orientation. Being gay or lesbian isn’t their “fault” and does not result from something they did “wrong.”

Some parents suggest therapy. There are many who claim to do “reparative therapy,” and even some crackpots in the media, like the infamous “Dr. Laura,” who claim that such therapy is effective and necessary for happiness. It is not effective, and no sound scientific data has ever been gathered and confirmed to support this kind of “treatment.” The American Psychological Association has published a statement indicating that offering therapy to “correct” someone’s sexual orientation against their will is unethical. Often these groups of “recovered” gays and lesbians are simply made to feel very, very guilty about their sexual and intimacy needs. They simply focus on trying to deny all sexual aspects of their being, try to conform to heterosexual lifestyles and expectations, and avoid “relapse” through weekly religious “support groups” where a lot of hush-hush sexual activity goes on after hours.

When your parents read about how to talk to you about difficult issues, including potty training, sex, and marriage, they were told to use the same language they wanted you to use. Be patient as your parents learn to use the language you teach them. Explain the terms “gay” and “lesbian” as opposed to “homosexual” and “queer.” Allow them to refer to your partner as a “friend” for a while until they grow comfortable with “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

Be ready to talk about AIDS. While your parents may not be ready for any real details, and they may not ask for fear of finding out information they don’t think they can handle, they do need to be assured that you are safe and have tested negative. Of course, if you are positive, lying to your family at the outset may not be recommended. Be ready to discuss the issue as much or as little as your family wants.

Some people have a book or something for reading materials ready to give parents. It’s a nice way for them to be reminded gently about something they must learn about, and allow them to read and think about it at their convenience.



Explain Why You Are Coming Out
Explain that you are telling them this because you love them and don’t want to be dishonest with them. Tell them to that you are not alone, and that you have gay and lesbian friends for support too. Sometimes parents react with worry about their children; they know it is an unfair world out there. Assure them that while you know there is discrimination, you stick up for yourself and can handle what comes to you as a result of your decision to be what you are.

Sometimes helping parents understand the burden of being closeted, the stress it creates, and the ultimate separation from family that many gays and lesbians accept or suffer with helps. Urvashi Vaid, a spokeswoman for gay and lesbian rights, once said that her mother asked her why she had to be so open about her sexuality, and why it couldn’t just be a private thing. She explained that Coming Out was as much a political act as a personal one.

Coming Out lets others know that gays and lesbians exist around them; we are to a large extent an “invisible minority.” Coming Out makes us visible, and gives others the chance to be aware of and work through their own biases, to see the discrimination in the world, and to consider these issues on their own before being confronted with them somewhere else by someone else in a less understanding fashion.

Posted 1 year ago

162 notes

lgbtq, coming out, parents, family, work, friends, advice,

Apr 6
LGBTQ* Website, Tumblr, Advice, Insight, Comedy, Lip-Sync, (ALL OF THE THINGS) You Should Know Kristin and Dannielle give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. They also visit high schools and college campuses nationwide to help bring change and awareness while keeping everyone laughing. (from website) Also, Kristin and Dannielle are currently touring. If you can make an event, I highly recommend doing so. (Personal Note: If you are around the western Virginia area, I will be attending the Hollins evening. Come say hey and we can laugh and listen together.) APR 16 The Berkshire School: Sheffield, MA 9:00am, Private Event APR 16 Endicott College: Beverly, MA 7:00pm, Free Public Event  APR 24 James Madison University: Harrisonburg, VA 7:00pm, Free Public Event APR 25 Hollins University: Roanoke, VA 7:00pm, Free Public Event MAY 4 SUNY Oswego: Oswego, NY Private Event JUNE 10 Capital Pride: Washington, DC Check  JUNE 24 NYC Pride: New York, NY

LGBTQ* Website, Tumblr, Advice, Insight, Comedy, Lip-Sync,

(ALL OF THE THINGS) You Should Know

Kristin and Dannielle give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. They also visit high schools and college campuses nationwide to help bring change and awareness while keeping everyone laughing. (from website)


Also, Kristin and Dannielle are currently touring. If you can make an event, I highly recommend doing so. (Personal Note: If you are around the western Virginia area, I will be attending the Hollins evening. Come say hey and we can laugh and listen together.)

APR 16 The Berkshire School: Sheffield, MA 9:00am, Private Event

APR 16 Endicott College: Beverly, MA 7:00pm, Free Public Event 

APR 24 James Madison University: Harrisonburg, VA 7:00pm, Free Public Event

APR 25 Hollins University: Roanoke, VA 7:00pm, Free Public Event

MAY 4 SUNY Oswego: Oswego, NY Private Event

JUNE 10 Capital Pride: Washington, DC Check 

JUNE 24 NYC Pride: New York, NY


Posted 1 year ago

41 notes

lgbtq, everyone is gay, everyoneisgay, kristin, dannielle, tumblr, queer, advice, insight, music, dancing, laughing, tour, comedy, hollins, gender-identity, sexuality, dating, falling in love, super woman, youtube,

Mar 16
LGBTQ* Polls In Print 1992 - Advice columnist Ann Landers asked her daily column for gay people to write in and let her know if they were happy with their orientation. 75,875 lesbians and gays responded!  What’d they answer? 30 to 1 wrote that they were HAPPY being gay. (source: Out in All Directions - Myths and Facts)

LGBTQ* Polls In Print

1992 - Advice columnist Ann Landers asked her daily column for gay people to write in and let her know if they were happy with their orientation.

75,875 lesbians and gays responded! 

What’d they answer?

30 to 1 wrote that they were HAPPY being gay.

(source: Out in All Directions - Myths and Facts)

Posted 1 year ago

113 notes

lgbtq, ann landers, gay, happy, homosexual, column, advice, queer, newsprint,

Feb 24
LGBTQ* Insight and Advice 10 Tips For Parents Of A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans* or Queer Child (from Advocates for Youth) By Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Coordinator, The Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services, Ithaca College  * Please note: These tips can also be useful for other trusted adults in the GLBT young person’s life, explaining how a caring adult can be there for GLBT youth.  Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBT children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBT people.Here’s a quick lesson on two frequently misunderstood terms:Sexual orientation—Describes to whom a person feels attraction: people of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both genders.Gender identity—A person’s inner sense of gender—male, female, some of each, neither. Transgender people have a gender identity that is different from the gender to which they were born or assigned at birth.Some people ask, “Isn’t transgender just like being gay?” No. Transgender describes a person’s internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes a person’s feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, but gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for GLBT and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBT issues, or a GLBT community center nearby. Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on the Internet that connects people with support and materials on these important topics. Three excellent Web sites are Youth Resource, Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. For a diverse selection of links to a variety of GLBT sites, including education, family, health and wellness, and multiple identities, visit Ithaca College’s Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services and click on the “links” button. Find out where your local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBT kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable. Don’t make it ALL there is … just because your child has come out as GLBT does not mean the young person’s whole world revolves around sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be GLBT. Still, being GLBT isn’t the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs. ASK your child before you “come out” to others on the child’s behalf.Friends and family members might have questions or want to know what’s up; but it is most important to be respectful of what your child wants. Don’t betray your child’s trust! Praise your GLBT child for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage the youth to continue to keep you “in the know.” If your child turns to you to share personal information, you’re must be doing something right! You are askable. You’re sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, “Yes, I’ll listen. Please talk to me!” Give yourself some credit—your GLBT child chose to come out to you. Congratulations! Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place at your child’s school. Does the school and/or school district have a non-discrimination policy? Is a there a GLBT/straight support group? Do you know any “out” people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information? (Before doing so, again refer to tip number 7, above. Ask your child if it’s okay for you to “come out” about the child.) Educate yourself on local, state and national laws and polices regarding GLBT people. On the national level, GLBT people are still second-class citizens in regard to some national policies and their rights are not guaranteed by law. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to GLBT people in the United States. A good place to start is the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

LGBTQ* Insight and Advice

10 Tips For Parents Of A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans* or Queer Child

(from Advocates for Youth)

By Lisa Maurer, MS, CFLE, ACSE, Coordinator, The Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services, Ithaca College 

* Please note: These tips can also be useful for other trusted adults in the GLBT young person’s life, explaining how a caring adult can be there for GLBT youth. 

  1. Engage with your child. Your gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (GLBT) child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-GLBT children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child.
  2. Go back to school. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of GLBT people.

    Here’s a quick lesson on two frequently misunderstood terms:

    Sexual orientation—Describes to whom a person feels attraction: people of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both genders.

    Gender identity—A person’s inner sense of gender—male, female, some of each, neither. Transgender people have a gender identity that is different from the gender to which they were born or assigned at birth.

    Some people ask, “Isn’t transgender just like being gay?” No. Transgender describes a person’s internal sense of gender identity. Sexual orientation describes a person’s feelings of attraction toward other people. Transgender people have some issues in common with gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, but gender identity is     not the same as sexual orientation.
  3. Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for GLBT and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on GLBT issues, or a GLBT community center nearby.
  4. Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on the Internet that connects people with support and materials on these important topics. Three excellent Web sites are Youth Resource, Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. For a diverse selection of links to a variety of GLBT sites, including education, family, health and wellness, and multiple identities, visit Ithaca College’s Center for LGBT Education, Outreach and Services and click on the “links” button.
  5. Find out where your local Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of GLBT kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable.
  6. Don’t make it ALL there is … just because your child has come out as GLBT does not mean the young person’s whole world revolves around sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be GLBT. Still, being GLBT isn’t the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs.
  7. ASK your child before you “come out” to others on the child’s behalf.Friends and family members might have questions or want to know what’s up; but it is most important to be respectful of what your child wants. Don’t betray your child’s trust!
  8. Praise your GLBT child for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage the youth to continue to keep you “in the know.” If your child turns to you to share personal information, you’re must be doing something right! You are askable. You’re sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, “Yes, I’ll listen. Please talk to me!” Give yourself some credit—your GLBT child chose to come out to you. Congratulations!
  9. Find out what kind of support, services, and education are in place at your child’s school. Does the school and/or school district have a non-discrimination policy? Is a there a GLBT/straight support group? Do you know any “out” people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information? (Before doing so, again refer to tip number 7, above. Ask your child if it’s okay for you to “come out” about the child.)

Educate yourself on local, state and national laws and polices regarding GLBT people. On the national level, GLBT people are still second-class citizens in regard to some national policies and their rights are not guaranteed by law. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to GLBT people in the United States. A good place to start is the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Posted 1 year ago

136 notes

lgbtq, ngltf, gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning, queer, transgender, advice, advocates for youth, lisa maurer, advice, parents, family, friends,

Oct 29
LGBTQ* Insight, Advice and Icebreakers (following from Engrade: Jump Start GSA Lesson Plan) 10 Steps Toward Starting a GSA or Similar Student Club Across the country, hundreds of students have started gay-straight alliances (GSAs) and similar clubs dedicated to making schools safer and more inclusive for all students. The 10 easy-to-understand steps below are commonly used in public secondary schools where other non-curricular clubs already exist and are allowed. Keep in mind that these are starting points; because situations and schools vary, no single process is applicable to every school.1. Follow GuidelinesEstablish a GSA the same way you would start any other group or club. Look in your Student Handbook for your school’s rules regarding clubs. Some schools require students to go through a process for establishing a club; this could include writing a constitution or showing student interest.2. Find a Faculty/Teacher AdvisorFind teachers or staff members who you think would be supportive or who have already shown themselves to be allies around sexual orientation and gender-identity issues. Consult your school rules for more information on who can serve as a club advisor.3. Find Other StudentsWork with a diverse range of students who are interested in such a group. Check with existing clubs for students who might have an interest.4. Inform AdministrationLet administrators know right away what you are doing. It can be very helpful to have them on your side. They can work as liaisons to teachers, parents, community members and the school board. If an administrator opposes the GSA, provide them information about the Federal Equal Access Act (EAA).5. Pick a Meeting PlaceYou may want to find a meeting place within the school that offers some level of privacy, yet is still easily accessible.6. AdvertiseThere are many ways to advertise; think about how you’ve seen other clubs advertise. Use a combination of your school bulletin, announcements, flyers or word-of-mouth. If your flyers are defaced or torn down, don’t be discouraged. Plan to check on them throughout the day and replace them if necessary. Eventually, whoever is tearing them down will give up or be reprimanded by the school. Besides, advertising your group and having words up such as “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender” or “end homophobia” can be part of educating the school and can actually make other students feel safer—even if they never attend a single meeting.7. Plan Your MeetingOf course you want to have a good meeting, so plan ahead of time. There are tons of things you can do, from discussions to inviting speakers, holding workshops and playing games. Dozens of possible activities are described within The GLSEN Jump-Start Guide.8. Hold Your Meeting!You may want to start with a discussion about why people feel the group is needed or important. You can also brainstorm projects that your club could do this year.9. Establish Ground RulesCreating ground rules helps ensure that group discussions are safe, confidential and respectful. Many groups have a ground rule that no assumptions or labels are used about a group member’s sexual orientation.10. Plan for the FutureDevelop an action plan. Brainstorm projects. Set goals for what you want to work toward. (All of these steps are covered in The GLSEN Jump-Start Guide.) If you haven’t already done so, contact GLSEN’s Student Organizing Department so that you may share ideas, resources and information. Also look into local GSA networks in your town or city.

LGBTQ* Insight, Advice and Icebreakers

(following from Engrade: Jump Start GSA Lesson Plan)

10 Steps Toward Starting a GSA

or Similar Student Club

Across the country, hundreds of students have started gay-straight alliances (GSAs) and similar clubs dedicated to making schools safer and more inclusive for all students. The 10 easy-to-understand steps below are commonly used in public secondary schools where other non-curricular clubs already exist and are allowed. Keep in mind that these are starting points; because situations and schools vary, no single process is applicable to every school.

1. Follow Guidelines
Establish a GSA the same way you would start any other group or club. Look in your Student Handbook for your school’s rules regarding clubs. Some schools require students to go through a process for establishing a club; this could include writing a constitution or showing student interest.

2. Find a Faculty/Teacher Advisor
Find teachers or staff members who you think would be supportive or who have already shown themselves to be allies around sexual orientation and gender-identity issues. Consult your school rules for more information on who can serve as a club advisor.

3. Find Other Students
Work with a diverse range of students who are interested in such a group. Check with existing clubs for students who might have an interest.

4. Inform Administration
Let administrators know right away what you are doing. It can be very helpful to have them on your side. They can work as liaisons to teachers, parents, community members and the school board. If an administrator opposes the GSA, provide them information about the Federal Equal Access Act (EAA).

5. Pick a Meeting Place
You may want to find a meeting place within the school that offers some level of privacy, yet is still easily accessible.

6. Advertise
There are many ways to advertise; think about how you’ve seen other clubs advertise. Use a combination of your school bulletin, announcements, flyers or word-of-mouth. If your flyers are defaced or torn down, don’t be discouraged. Plan to check on them throughout the day and replace them if necessary. Eventually, whoever is tearing them down will give up or be reprimanded by the school. Besides, advertising your group and having words up such as “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender” or “end homophobia” can be part of educating the school and can actually make other students feel safer—even if they never attend a single meeting.

7. Plan Your Meeting
Of course you want to have a good meeting, so plan ahead of time. There are tons of things you can do, from discussions to inviting speakers, holding workshops and playing games. Dozens of possible activities are described within The GLSEN Jump-Start Guide.

8. Hold Your Meeting!
You may want to start with a discussion about why people feel the group is needed or important. You can also brainstorm projects that your club could do this year.

9. Establish Ground Rules
Creating ground rules helps ensure that group discussions are safe, confidential and respectful. Many groups have a ground rule that no assumptions or labels are used about a group member’s sexual orientation.

10. Plan for the Future
Develop an action plan. Brainstorm projects. Set goals for what you want to work toward. (All of these steps are covered in The GLSEN Jump-Start Guide.) If you haven’t already done so, contact GLSEN’s Student Organizing Department so that you may share ideas, resources and information. Also look into local GSA networks in your town or city.

Posted 1 year ago

76 notes

lgbtq, gay, straight, alliance, tips, advice, gsa, clubs, organizations, assistance, high school, college,

Oct 20
LGBTQ* Health and Wellness Advice Coming Out To Your Doctor Following text from About.com (text caters towards men) Why you should come out to your doctor.You may not feel comfortable coming out to your doctor, but there are specific gay health concerns (beyond HIV) that need to be addressed, such as HPV and anal cancer, hepatitisand syphilis. Coming out to your doctor gives you an opportunity to be more open about your life as it relates to your health and better discuss a plan to stay healthy. Doctors have an obligation to maintain patient confidentiality, so arm them with the information they need to better manage your care. What to do if your doctor is not gay friendly.Coming out to your doctor is about taking better care of your health. Know that some medical professionals are less gay-affirmative than others and may not provide advice (or a bedside manner) suitable for LGBT people. A friend recently came down with a severe flu. He went to his general doctor (of years) expecting a routine diagnosis. She callously asked if he was gay and (without diagnosing him) recommended he visit the nearest HIV clinic. He left the office in a panic—an unnecessary one. A second opinion confirmed that his illness was in fact the flu and not HIV.Not all medical professionals are this callous when it comes to gay patients. Most are aware that being gay is not synonymous with HIV. By coming out to your doctor early, you can assess how receptive (and sensitive) they are to gay health concerns before you need them in an emergency.Finding a gay-affirmative doctor.These quick steps can help you find a gay-friendly doctor in your area.

LGBTQ* Health and Wellness Advice

Coming Out To Your Doctor


Following text from About.com (text caters towards men)

Why you should come out to your doctor.

You may not feel comfortable coming out to your doctor, but there are specific gay health concerns (beyond HIV) that need to be addressed, such as HPV and anal cancer, hepatitisand syphilis. Coming out to your doctor gives you an opportunity to be more open about your life as it relates to your health and better discuss a plan to stay healthy. Doctors have an obligation to maintain patient confidentiality, so arm them with the information they need to better manage your care. 

What to do if your doctor is not gay friendly.

Coming out to your doctor is about taking better care of your health. Know that some medical professionals are less gay-affirmative than others and may not provide advice (or a bedside manner) suitable for LGBT people. A friend recently came down with a severe flu. He went to his general doctor (of years) expecting a routine diagnosis. She callously asked if he was gay and (without diagnosing him) recommended he visit the nearest HIV clinic. He left the office in a panic—an unnecessary one. A second opinion confirmed that his illness was in fact the flu and not HIV.

Not all medical professionals are this callous when it comes to gay patients. Most are aware that being gay is not synonymous with HIV. By coming out to your doctor early, you can assess how receptive (and sensitive) they are to gay health concerns before you need them in an emergency.

Finding a gay-affirmative doctor.

These quick steps can help you find a gay-friendly doctor in your area.

Posted 1 year ago

83 notes

lgbtq, advice, about.com, homosexual, doctor, coming out, men, find a gay friendly doctor,

Aug 8
Coming Out At School (something to think about over the summer) Is This Your Year To Come Out? Coming Out in School By Ramon Johnson, About.com Guide Another summer down and you’re back in school. It’s time to meet up with old friends and make new ones. For the most part, the summer gives you the freedom to be who you want and hang out with the people you like most. But when classes start, things change. Back to school for me was always a mix of excitement and anxiety. I didn’t come out until college, but I thought about coming out in high school every year. Why didn’t I? Fear, mostly. I wasn’t sure how my friends and parents would take it. Sure, I’d feel better about being open, but what would I be left with if things didn’t go my way? After all, when the bell rang, I was stuck with the same group of kids whether I liked them or not. College allows you the freedom to schedule your way to comfort, but most of high school is dictated for you. Still, the choice to come out is yours. Is this the year? Here are a few tips to consider before taking the plunge:\ When it’s time, it’s time. The desire to come out is like a burning sensation in your chest that gets warmer as you grow tired of keeping it inside. Sometimes it get so hot you want to scream the fiery words to everybody you know. And then something holds you back and the sensation cools for only a short time. How do you know when it’s time to put out the fire? When all you can think about is coming out. When you’re fed up with hiding something from those you care about. When you stop caring about what others think. When the need to be yourself is greater than the any consequence you can think of. Who’s out, who’s not. You’ll hear most older gays say that there were less than a handful (if any) kids out when they were in school. People are more open about sexuality now, so more students are out in school. Who’s who in your class? Support is the best thing to have while coming out. Just because a kid is gay doesn’t mean you’ll vibe with him or her, but consider getting to know them and asking about their experiences. Get experience where you can. Sometimes we find support in the most unlikely of places. Give your straight friends a try. Come out to your most trusted friend first. Then spread the word to others. The key is to stick with those that are cool with you being gay and ditch those that are shady about your sexuality.

Coming Out At School

(something to think about over the summer)

Is This Your Year To Come Out?


Coming Out in School

By Ramon Johnson, About.com Guide

Another summer down and you’re back in school. It’s time to meet up with old friends and make new ones. For the most part, the summer gives you the freedom to be who you want and hang out with the people you like most. But when classes start, things change.

Back to school for me was always a mix of excitement and anxiety. I didn’t come out until college, but I thought about coming out in high school every year. Why didn’t I? Fear, mostly. I wasn’t sure how my friends and parents would take it. Sure, I’d feel better about being open, but what would I be left with if things didn’t go my way? After all, when the bell rang, I was stuck with the same group of kids whether I liked them or not.

College allows you the freedom to schedule your way to comfort, but most of high school is dictated for you. Still, the choice to come out is yours. Is this the year? Here are a few tips to consider before taking the plunge:\

When it’s time, it’s time.
The desire to come out is like a burning sensation in your chest that gets warmer as you grow tired of keeping it inside. Sometimes it get so hot you want to scream the fiery words to everybody you know. And then something holds you back and the sensation cools for only a short time. How do you know when it’s time to put out the fire? When all you can think about is coming out. When you’re fed up with hiding something from those you care about. When you stop caring about what others think. When the need to be yourself is greater than the any consequence you can think of.

Who’s out, who’s not.
You’ll hear most older gays say that there were less than a handful (if any) kids out when they were in school. People are more open about sexuality now, so more students are out in school. Who’s who in your class? Support is the best thing to have while coming out. Just because a kid is gay doesn’t mean you’ll vibe with him or her, but consider getting to know them and asking about their experiences.

Get experience where you can.
Sometimes we find support in the most unlikely of places. Give your straight friends a try. Come out to your most trusted friend first. Then spread the word to others. The key is to stick with those that are cool with you being gay and ditch those that are shady about your sexuality.

Posted 1 year ago

24 notes

lgbtq, coming out, school, education, how to, advice,